Dear KJ

KJ has always been well known for his excellent judgment and his great insight into both romantic and other social situations. Feeling that not only Chixdiggit should benefit from the presence of such a wise individual, we now share this remarkable resource with You. Feel free to learn from KJ's advice in the entries below, or trust KJ with your own problems. Due to the number of submissions we receive, we can only publish the select few cases that we think will be most beneficial to all.

(from CA) My problem is that my boyfriend tells me that i suck at giving head. i know it's not that big of a deal, but i seriously want to know what i may be doing wrong.

Dear, I think the only thing you're doing wrong is going down on this asshole in the first place. I don't think it's that you suck at giving head, it's that he sucks at recieving it. If he's not prepared to help you out, hand him the baby oil. He's an idiot for not realizing why you're down there in the first place. If you do plan on going down on him again (against your better judgement) and he says something snarky, grab those nuts, twist and PULL! (I can't believe I just said that). Love KJ

(Calgary) My problem My friend told me a saying: "Girls are like a box of chocolates, the good one's are always taken." At first, I thought it was a joke, but now I realize it is true. EVERY girl I think might be "right" for me has a guy, but I don't want to go after girls who just wouldn't work with me. Should I just live without a girl, or should I hook up with someone I know won't work? Thanks a million. thanks Kobayashi

Dear Kobayashi, I think girls feel exactly the same way. It's just 'cause it's hard for everybody to find the right person. That's where the magic comes from. If it was easy, you'd take it for granted. Be patient and your dream girl will come along. Trust me. KJ

(Ohio) My problem First, this is serious. Don't take it as a joke. I don't have a lot of room to type, so I'll make it quick. I checked myself for testicular cancer, and given all the symptoms of it, I match each one to a T. I'm scared shitless, and I had no idea someone at 18 could get cancer. I don't have any money or insurance, what do I do? thanks Annonomyous

Dear Annonomyous, Get your nuts to a doctor no matter how. Get insurance, do whatever it takes. You won't need money where you're going if you don't do something about this. I hope everything turns out allright, KJ

(Pennsylvania) My problem There's a girl that I like a lot but she doesn't like the same music or things that I do, what's a guy to do? thanks gary

Dear Gary, Marry her. Love KJ

(Allen, TX) My problem My birthday is coming up and my mom keeps pressuring me about where i want to have my party: the roller skating rink or the go-cart tracks. I just can't decide, please help me, im driving myself crazy. thanks Jacob

Jacob, That's a tough one. It depends on what you want out of your party. The rollerskating rink is an excellent tool for meeting and getting to know girls. The go-kart track is not as good for meeting girls but provides an almost "extreme" element which the roller rink doesn't have. Both are good for showing off... I think, if I were you, I'd go for the go-kart track. Happy Birthday. KJ

Hi, I'm from Ottawa, ON... My problem I have a girlfriend for 11 months, and when we go out together, she always put me on the side. she hangs out with other guys, she grab their ass and act as if she was single. It drives me jealous. She says that it's just for fun and that I'm the one she loves but sometimes I doubt. Am I stupid to stay with that girl or am I just too jealous? thanks Trevor

Dear Trevor, If you're sure that she has absolutely no regard for how you feel, you're stupid to stay with that girl. If it were me, living in a town full of sweet girls like you do, I'd be telling this girl to beat it! Love KJ

Dear KJ, I'm from Land of Rock, Portland Oregon My problem I like this girl. We hung out a lot. I finally got up the nads to ask her out. She was perfect. At the end of the night, she told me that she had just started seeing this guy, a friend of a friend, but it wasn't that serious, and she wants to hang out with me a lot. Do you think I just waited to long to ask her and she gave up, and now she sees I'm interested and wants to hook up with me? thanks nateschmoe

Dear Nate, Probably but who cares? Get in the ring poseur! KJ

Dear KJ, I'm from Weiner-peg
My problem: Umm. what is the easiest way to record a demo and find a record deal, like you guys?
thanks Mr. A


Dear Mr. A,
Tour.
Love KJ

Hi, I'm from Riverview NB
My problem: WHY THE HELL DID YOU GUYS SKIP MONCTON NB ON YOUR LAST CANADIAN TOUR WITH FRENZALRHOMB!?!?!?!?
thanks Tim Airey

Dear Tim,
We missed Moncton this time due to a catholic priests' convention that had all venues booked up. No kidding! (At least that's what Mike told me). We tried to set up a show but no dice. Normally I would direct you to our FAQ section 'cause the info on why we play some towns and not others. Easy. See you in Moncton next time,
KJ

Dear Sheila,
I think you'd probably have a better idea about picking up chicks than i would. I would suggest just going up and talking to girls you like and seeing if you get the "vibe". Be sly, be tricky, in other words, think like a guy.
Love KJ

Dear Jen,
If it were me and it was a girl (with a boyfriend) telling me that she had been thinking alot about me lately, I would think she was an idiot. I would be flattered but i would think she was an idiot. Put yourself in his girlfriend's shoes. How would you feel if he were doing this to you? The balls should be, but definitely aren't, in his court.
Love KJ

I am from Edmonton.
My problem is the following: My dad is driving me insane. He just had major heart surgery so I have to try to be nice to him but he just bitches about everyone and everything. Please help me. Thanks
thanks Mel

Dear Mel,
I've never had major heart surgury but I can imagine that it would be quite stressful on a body. I suggest cutting him a little slack. If he gets better and the behavior continues, let him have it. But who knows? This surgery may mellow him out in the end. Good luck,
Love KJ

I am a girl from some weird European country
My problem is the following: I have this friend that constantly gets on my nerves. She's an extremely nice person but happens to be really, REALLY annoying. How can I tell her to quit pissing me off...but in a nicer way?
thanks Laura

Dear Laura,
I think that it's very nice of you to want to spare your friends feelings like you're trying to do but, the truth is, it's a bad idea. Avoid (and help your friend avoid) years of pain and discomfort by being honest. If she sees your point she learns and stops annoying people and if she doesn't, you realize she's an idiot and you move on. Easy!
Love KJ

I am in love with your bass player
From Canada
More Accurately: dinkytown, ontario
My problem is the following: I worry too much. Got any tips on how to stop being such an uptight wuss?
thanks miss loverly

Dear Miss Loverly,
One day you will realize that worrying is a complete waste of energy and can lead to ulcers. Painful!! Until that day you're fucked.
Love KJ

Dear KJ, I am from Oshawa, Ont.
My problem is the following: I just broke up with my girlfriend and she's got someone else already. Me and this other guy don't get along, but when she wants to get together she always brings him and it ticks me off. Is she worth the aggravation?
thanks Kyle

Dear Kyle,
If you really are "just friends" then you should be able to tell her stuff like, "when we hang out, can "Chad" not some along" etc.. BUT you sound like you still like her and are a bit bitter that she found someone new already. I suggest finding someone new to spend time with and forget about her for a while. Oshawa is full of tasty babes! Bon apetite!
KJ

I am in a band from Los Angeles.
My problem is the following: My band needs to make a demo tape. but we don't have the equipment. What should we do??
thanks Dru

Get the equipment. Love KJ

Dear Lana, Either you're boring or your boyfriend is an asshole. Either way, it's time to make some changes. Good luck! KJ

Dear Sean,
What makes you think she's going to go "psycho" on you? Alot of guys assume that a girl will go "psycho" if she's turned down. Why is that do you think? Don't worry I'm sure it has nothing to do with your huge ego.
This is one of those times that you'll have to use your "truth telling" skills. Don't worry about that either, it's easy! Just tell her how you feel. Don't be too honest though, let her down easy. Don't give her an excuse to go.... you know.
Good luck stud,
Love KJ

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